march 4

riley died today. i guess there's no other way to say it. along with the news came all sorts of emotions.

1. sadness- four years old...it's too young for anyone to die.
2. relief- from suffering, from living each day knowing that he would never crawl or play or call for daddy, from waiting day by day for four years for this phone call to come.
3. confusion- why was he here? did he suffer? why did he live so long? why did God take him now? what are we to learn from this? what happens next? how will my family handle this?

the feelings repeat and overlap in an intricately choreographed mourning dance. but who's the choreographer and why won't the music just stop so i can catch my breath?

ps. my great grandmother's sister, "annie boo" as she was affectionately called, although no one really remembers why, died last week at the age of 99, just four days before her hundredth birthday this tuesday.